MEN AS SILENT VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

BY PATIENCE OGBO



Last weekend, a middle aged man simply identified as Ifeanyi Anasekwe, was allegedly murdered by his wife Chikodile Anaekwe following a fight in their apartment at Ago-Okota .

Mrs Anaekwe allegedly used a pestle to smash her husband's head and when the man was unconscious, she allegedly used a knife to stab him several times all over the body following her husband's alleged inability to provide money for diapers and their baby's food.



Also on February 3rd, Hadiza Abutu , a mother of one was rearrested by the police after she was granted bail by an Abuja court following her alleged role in the death of her husband , Ibrahim Abutu .

The incident happened on December 28th 2011 when Hadizat allegedly murdered her husband at their Parakou Crescent home Abuja barely one day after her husband took a second wife in Gombe state.

Mrs Abutu allegedly used a double barrel gun to shot her husband at close range in the chest following an argument.

Mrs Abutu was subsequently arrested by the police; she however claimed that her husband shot himself.

Despite Mrs Abutu’s claim that she is innocent, her late husband’s family is seeking justice as they maintained that their brother was a victim of domestic violence .

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Domestic violence has been viewed in many quarters as a crime against women as the media has reported overwhelming cases of domestic violence against women but very few cases of violence against men .

One of such violence against women that provoked public outcry was the gruesome death of the former Skye bank staff, Titilayo Arowolo 26, a mother of one who was allegedly killed by her husband, Akolade in their home at Isolo last year.

While Titilayo’s death was one of several cases of domestic violence against women ,investigations however reveal that violence against men is on the rise in the country and like the women , men are silent victims of domestic violence; Mr. Abutu’s death is a clear indication and a typical example of domestic violence against men.

Another gruesome case of domestic violence against men was that of Kazeem Ademoye .

Mr. Ademoye until his death was a computer expert allegedly murdered by his wife- Ngozi at their home at Magodo Phase 2, Lagos on September 16th 2011.

In her statement to the police at the Homicide department at Panti Yaba ,Mrs. Ademoye maintained that she killed her husband in self defense adding that her husband had turned into a monster after a fetish incantation in his secret room and had attempted to kill her but she miracously overwhelmed and killed him with a heavy object .

Also in November last year Mr. Daniel Iyamu a SUBEB staff and a popular entertainer in Benin city in Edo state was allegedly killed in his sleep by his wife Grace .

Mr Iyamu was said to be sleeping at their Agonse Street, Ugbihoko residence in Egor North East Local Government council when his wife allegedly used a pestle to smash his head several times killing him instantly.

Mrs Iyamu has since been arraigned but her lawyers are claiming that she is insane.

It can also be recalled that 43-year-old Vincent Omeje, would live each day grateful as he escaped being killed by assassins allegedly sponsored by his wife Chidera in November last year.

Mr. Omeje a trader was attacked in his apartment at No. 10, Awka-Etiti Street, Comfort Obot, Kirikiri, Lagos by a five man gang .

The assassins beat Omeje mercilessly with dangerous weapons and left him for death following allegations from his wife that he was seeking a divorce.

Mr. Omeje survived the attack and reported the incident to the police which led to the arrest of his wife and her brothers as the assassins who attempted to kill him.

Dr. Adeolu Olusode , a medical doctor with the Star Clinic at Ebutte- metta said domestic violence against men is a daily occurrence but such cases are not reported due to the stigma, and male chauvinism .

“Indeed there are cases of domestic violence against women but there is no doubt that men are also experiencing violence from their wives and girlfriends

The issue is that these men do not come out to tell people that they were beaten by their wives or violated by their female lovers; they even hardly tell such things to their friends due to the fact that it is seen as a shame for a man to be beaten up by a woman so due to this many men do not talk about the violence they face at home except the case had become extreme and people found out about it” Dr. Olusodo said .

Dr. Olusodo added that domestic violence is not gender based as both male and female are victims of violence in their homes .

“There have been cases where we have treated men who claimed that the injury was sustained from beating they received from women; the truth is that more women than men experience domestic violence because women are seen as the weaker sex and they can come out to speak about their suffering but a lot of men are also victims of domestic violence” Dr. Olusodo said .

Reports on domestic violence show that women are victims of domestic violence ten times the men and such violence against men by the women folk is usually viewed by experts as violent resistant or what is popularly known as self defence .

In the case of Mrs Ademoye she confessed that her husband would have killed her in his rage but she defended herself.

It is based on the instinct of abused women to defend themselves that Gloria Egbuji the Chief Executive Officer of Crime Victims foundation, a not for profit organization in Lagos state calls on the government to take women’s rights seriously.

According to Egbuji, government has not shown enough resolve in upholding women’s rights and as a result women are left to fight for themselves; a development she said if not checked will lead to multiple violence.

“ A lot of factors contribute to women being violent. When women begin to react violently its shows that they have been pushed to the wall and they have to fight back for their lives—such women would have suffered years of psychological trauma, pent up anger over abuse they have suffered in the hands of the men.

Also envy is another reason for women to become violent ,as she has a husband that is not caring for her but wasting the family resources on other women despite the fact that both the man and the woman worked for the money so such behavior by the men can make the women to become violent .

Mrs Egbuji added that statistics on domestic violence show that violence against men is “ still miniature compared to what men do to women; this is because culture impedes the fight against domestic violence; culture that says women can be seen but cannot be heard, such culture reduces women to men’s object and it is sad that the government and the law enforcement agencies are dominated by the men and so they cannot make or enforce laws that will affect them—that is why you hardly see the court prosecuting men for bigamy” Mrs Ebuji said .

Proffering solutions to the issue of domestic violence, Dr. Oni Fagbouhougbe, a lecturer in the department of Psychology at the University of Lagos said women are becoming more aware of their rights.

“Psychologically, when we look at the structure of our personality, we have the ID, the ego and the super ego. The ID is irrational, aggressive and cannot delay gratification; ego is more pragmatic, while the super ego plays a more superior role in stopping anti-social behaviour

Research has however shown that the ID is prominent in the women than in the men and that is why women are easily deceived and by nature can be irrational; but culture has contributed in controlling and taming the ID in women which teach women to be tolerant and patient; sadly our culture and values have been eroded by westernization , the internet and technology generally played significant roles in creating awareness on women’s rights and our women are now more enlightened than before.”Dr. Fagbouhougbe said.

Dr. Fagbouhougbe urged men to put the needs of the women first and refrain from abusing women’s rights.
“Men must stop taking women for granted this is because our value system has changed and they should know that they do not have monopoly of violence . Also , women need to get counseling to control their ID and other abuse they have suffered which can trigger them to becoming violent , in
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PATIENCE OGBO

Feb 24